it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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