the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
