apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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