Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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