And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
