I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize