at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
