What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
