please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
