I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
