i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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