I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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