who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
