So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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