you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
