My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
