google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
