The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We had to coat check the pizza.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
