The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
