Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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