You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
