6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
