I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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