I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
