I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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