She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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