Sponge bath it is.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
