They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
