Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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