MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
