If that was your dad, he is hot
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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