I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
