he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
