I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
