I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
