His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
