I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
did i walk over a car last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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