Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I checked into jail on foursquare
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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