yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
