My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
