Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
