I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
