took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
