you guys were way drunker than both of me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
