All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
