He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
