I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
