just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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