I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
