Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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