I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
