I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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