but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
