Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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