My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
