Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
