my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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