I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
