I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
