I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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