You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
