6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
