xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
