I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
