When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
