i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
