you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
